Stuff on Sticks!

I spent several years (younger years) working the state fair circuit in at least four states and at least 7 cities and there was always one thing that united every single fair - stuff on sticks! More specifically, the ever popular, DEEP FRIED stuff on sticks. While I've attended my fair share (get it) of these family oriented carnivals of fun and frolic you haven't had a TRUE fair experience unless you have eaten something deep fried and served on a wooden stick. 

During my days of hanging at the local fairgrounds, there wasn't much one could do when working 12 - 16 hour days other than eat these unhealthy and treacherous items so I stuck to eating corn dogs, grilled corn and shaved ice with a roasted turkey leg thrown in there every now and then for variety. However, I have to say that I have in fact encouraged others (for my own enjoyment really) to try the newest fantastic delicacies covered in some sort of batter dredged item, dropped in hot oil and covered in powdered pleasure. I'm not talking about your standard deep fried Oreo or Snickers - oh no - I'm talking about those things that make you cringe.  Deep fried SPAM, a Krispie Kreme doughnut stuffed with BBQ chicken dipped in batter and deep fried (yeah, you heard me), and deep fried Pop Tarts are all readily available for your dining pleasure.

While I have not stepped onto a fairground since 2007, apparently there are now such deep fried fantasies across the country such as:  

- Apple Pie           - Fruity Pebbles
- Avocado            - Green Olives
- Beer                  - Grilled Cheese
- Birthday Cake     - Ice Cream
- Bratwurst           - Kool-Aid
- Brownie             - Mashed Potatoes
- Bubble Gum        - Mac & Cheese
- Butter               - Meatloaf
- Cheese              - Oysters
- Cheesecake        - PB&J
- Cinnamon Rolls    - Pickles
- Coke Cola           - Pizza
- Cookie Dough      - Smores
- Cupcakes           - Spaghetti
- Egg                   - Stuffing
- Frito Pie             - Sugar Cubes


I have a pretty good imagination when it comes to food, but seriously some of these items amaze even me. I HAVE to believe that after each fair-going season the vendors whom you see every year and have the same prime locations at every fair sit around their kitchen tables wondering what they could POSSIBLY throw in some hot ass oil, deep fry and convince the general public that they NEED to eat this. "Hey honey, you think we could deep fry this shoelace if we dredge it in enough batter"? Here's an idea - pretend you're thinking of a "healthy" alternative and deep fry some lettuce and serve it with some ranch - deep fried salad folks come and get it!

I don't know people - I have to say that while I applaud the efforts to create some new summertime fun menu items, I kind of think we need to get away from these deep fried concoctions and stick (get it - stick) to something a bit more healthy. Try some grilled chicken on a stick or even a damn smoked turkey leg! Step away from the carnie and put down the deep fried sugar cubes - they won't satisfy you and you will be TERRIBLY sorry you attempted to ingest this oil-laced confection later in the day while riding a twirly ride (you know what I'm saying). I'm telling you this for your own good - because I love you (ok, I don't know you very well but I love you in a thematic way - just accept it and move on). Not EVERYTHING needs to be battered, deep fried and coated in powdered sugar with a side of chocolate sauce.

If you MUST have one of these newfangled fares in order to get you through a day of walking through barns filled with 4H blue-ribbon animals (please don't show them anything made with their relatives on a stick - it's rude) and riding rides that were put together 25 times in the last 12 months and most likely have parts missing or left over (it happens - trust me - I've seen it), make it a good one. Make it one to tell the grand-kids about in your later years and feel free to use the list above as a reference because my friends, that list takes the deep fried cake!